Well I always said I wanted to have all my children by the time I was 30. Well today I turned 31 and though we still wait for our sweet baby to come home, I am at peace that we didn't meet my age quota, as I believe this extra year has provided much wisdom. I have learned the importance of persistence, the value of patience, the rewards of commitment and the blessings that come with faith.
But the peace doesn't come without a little bit of sadness; sadness that another year has passed and our baby is still not resting in our arms, Jacob is another year older and I always wanted my children close in age, sadness that we are soon going on another family holiday but feeling that something is missing and sadness that every celebration passed is one our baby is missing. But with all that being said, I wouldn't change a thing. I am blessed with a husband who cherishes me, a son who thinks I am pretty cool and a family who offer amazing support and love.
So as I enter my 32nd year I will take the lessons that have been taught and have faith that God's wisdom will lead my path.
Baby
Your Momma is getting old, I have a few more grey hairs, and a few more wrinkles but I thank your brother for them everyday and look forward to the day you contribute. You and your big brother are my everything and I would take a head full of greys to feel the love only a child can provide. I love you and practice my patience everyday.
Momma
xox
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Friday, February 26, 2010
Nothing a bit of shopping therapy can’t fix.
Well last week was a bit of a doozy… but on Monday Auntie Tawny and I took a quick trip south of the boarder to do what we do best…SHOP! My shopping list consisted of a new diaper bag and all of its contents! One thing last week did teach me was that I am soooo not ready for a newborn baby. So we went to target and walmart looking for baby stuff. Who would have thought buying diaper cream could be so much fun!! Well we had some success in that I got a new diaper bag, some bottles, soothers, but I didn’t find any gender neutral sleepers, or a coming home outfit. So more shopping I will do. Apparently, adoptive mums nest too… if baby doesn’t come soon, this could turn into a very expensive “trimester”.
So baby, we are almost ready! I had so much fun today, getting everything ready for your arrival! Feel free to come anytime now.
Well last week was a bit of a doozy… but on Monday Auntie Tawny and I took a quick trip south of the boarder to do what we do best…SHOP! My shopping list consisted of a new diaper bag and all of its contents! One thing last week did teach me was that I am soooo not ready for a newborn baby. So we went to target and walmart looking for baby stuff. Who would have thought buying diaper cream could be so much fun!! Well we had some success in that I got a new diaper bag, some bottles, soothers, but I didn’t find any gender neutral sleepers, or a coming home outfit. So more shopping I will do. Apparently, adoptive mums nest too… if baby doesn’t come soon, this could turn into a very expensive “trimester”.
So baby, we are almost ready! I had so much fun today, getting everything ready for your arrival! Feel free to come anytime now.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
This post is a few days late.
February 19th, 2010
So can this week be over already! We got another phone call from our social worker Laura today. I recognised the number on call display and my heart again skipped a beat quickly questioning what she could be calling about. Upon answering she said it was completely coincidental that she was calling two days in a row and then proceeded to tell me about some changes that have taken place over the past few weeks with Canadian/American adoptions. The State of Florida has placed restrictions on adoptive parents having any contact with the adopted child until an emergency hearing has taken place, which is normally 7-10 days after a birth mom has signed consent. Prior to these changes adoptive parents were able to visit the child in the hospital and then retain temporary custody upon discharge until the emergency hearing. Therefore as a result our baby will have to be placed into interim care until the judge has signed off on our case.
Marc and I are so ticked and confused, we don’t understand who this will benefit other than the legal system. The birth mom will be unable to see her child with us the adoptive parents unless she is willing to meet up again post hearing, which I imagine could exacerbate the grieving process. The adoptive parents miss out on the bonding that could have taken place immediately, as well from spending invaluable time with the birth family and mostly will remove us from being any part of the birth story (which hurts the most). As for the most important person in the process our baby who will one day grow into a adolescent and will want to know everything and anything about the day she/he was born and yet we will be unable to provide her/him with any first hand information, as well this baby who will be less than one week old will have three transitions in a very short period of time…Birth family, Interim care and us her/his forever family. I feel like we being robbed of a one in a life time opportunity and precious bonding time.
I know the way it was, was super ideal and very few adoptions had this opportunity, but I guess I didn’t realise how good we could have had it until it was taken away. All in all, this doesn’t change that one day soon we will be a loving family of four, and have a new baby to dote on.
Baby, we make a promise to you that we will do whatever we can to spend as much time with your tummy mummy as possible and praise her for the amazing job she has done for keeping you safe and warm. We will thank her on your behalf for loving you so much and choosing life. When down in Florida we will be detectives and gather as much info as possible…we will be your eyes and ears. We love you little one and can not wait to hold you in our arms. As we wait for you and you wait for us, know that a day does not go by that I don’t pray for you and wish you were snuggling with me. How about we make a deal… I will be patient if you will??
Love you always Mummy.
So can this week be over already! We got another phone call from our social worker Laura today. I recognised the number on call display and my heart again skipped a beat quickly questioning what she could be calling about. Upon answering she said it was completely coincidental that she was calling two days in a row and then proceeded to tell me about some changes that have taken place over the past few weeks with Canadian/American adoptions. The State of Florida has placed restrictions on adoptive parents having any contact with the adopted child until an emergency hearing has taken place, which is normally 7-10 days after a birth mom has signed consent. Prior to these changes adoptive parents were able to visit the child in the hospital and then retain temporary custody upon discharge until the emergency hearing. Therefore as a result our baby will have to be placed into interim care until the judge has signed off on our case.
Marc and I are so ticked and confused, we don’t understand who this will benefit other than the legal system. The birth mom will be unable to see her child with us the adoptive parents unless she is willing to meet up again post hearing, which I imagine could exacerbate the grieving process. The adoptive parents miss out on the bonding that could have taken place immediately, as well from spending invaluable time with the birth family and mostly will remove us from being any part of the birth story (which hurts the most). As for the most important person in the process our baby who will one day grow into a adolescent and will want to know everything and anything about the day she/he was born and yet we will be unable to provide her/him with any first hand information, as well this baby who will be less than one week old will have three transitions in a very short period of time…Birth family, Interim care and us her/his forever family. I feel like we being robbed of a one in a life time opportunity and precious bonding time.
I know the way it was, was super ideal and very few adoptions had this opportunity, but I guess I didn’t realise how good we could have had it until it was taken away. All in all, this doesn’t change that one day soon we will be a loving family of four, and have a new baby to dote on.
Baby, we make a promise to you that we will do whatever we can to spend as much time with your tummy mummy as possible and praise her for the amazing job she has done for keeping you safe and warm. We will thank her on your behalf for loving you so much and choosing life. When down in Florida we will be detectives and gather as much info as possible…we will be your eyes and ears. We love you little one and can not wait to hold you in our arms. As we wait for you and you wait for us, know that a day does not go by that I don’t pray for you and wish you were snuggling with me. How about we make a deal… I will be patient if you will??
Love you always Mummy.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
We took a ride on a rollar coaster today.
I don’t know what or where to start. Today at 3:00pm Marc received a phone call from Laura our social worker in Florida, she said she had a proposed match; a birth mom who’s due date was today and was expecting a little boy. Marc said his heart skipped a beat but he knew a BUT was coming and sure enough there was a pause in the conversation followed by a BUT…Laura proceeded to explain some circumstances around the birth mother’s lifestyle and the possible side effects it could have on this baby boy. It was agreed that Marc and I would further discuss the possibility and would call back with a decision this evening.
Marc called me immediately at work and told me of the situation. Even though our hearts ached for this little boy who could be part of our family, we both knew without hesitation that the risk factors were too high. When I got home we both reviewed the proposed profile which Laura had emailed us and felt at peace with our decision.
However, even though we were at peace, we were both saddened by the thought that we could have been holding a little boy in our arms this weekend, and that our family could have been complete. But we know with confidence that our baby is still waiting for us and are confident that God will give us complete peace and assurance when our little girl/boys profile is presented.
But I ask that you pray for Ms. T and her baby boy that will soon be born. I pray for her physical and emotional health and healing as well that she would be surrounded by people and professionals which will provide support during this difficult time. I pray for her unborn child that he will grow to be healthy, strong and will be placed with a forever family that will provide him with a lifetime of love.
Marc called me immediately at work and told me of the situation. Even though our hearts ached for this little boy who could be part of our family, we both knew without hesitation that the risk factors were too high. When I got home we both reviewed the proposed profile which Laura had emailed us and felt at peace with our decision.
However, even though we were at peace, we were both saddened by the thought that we could have been holding a little boy in our arms this weekend, and that our family could have been complete. But we know with confidence that our baby is still waiting for us and are confident that God will give us complete peace and assurance when our little girl/boys profile is presented.
But I ask that you pray for Ms. T and her baby boy that will soon be born. I pray for her physical and emotional health and healing as well that she would be surrounded by people and professionals which will provide support during this difficult time. I pray for her unborn child that he will grow to be healthy, strong and will be placed with a forever family that will provide him with a lifetime of love.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
January 13th, 2010 (I am still back tracking... but this post brings me up to date in my journal. So from today on, all post will be in "real time")
Oh what a feeling… ALL paperwork is complete and enroute to Florida!! Jacob and I drove out to Hope this morning to drop off the paperwork… Joan had a checklist of all that needed to be completed; as she worked her way down the list, my hands got sweaty in fear that for some reason we forgot one of the applications, but as she checked off the last box, 1000lbs fell from my shoulders. She said she would be couriering it today and congratulated us both. With my son in hand we walked back to the car and I felt a tear run down my face…”Jacob we now have to just pray pray that Jesus will bring us a baby brother or sister soon”… Jacob replied “or a puddle I can jump in”.
There is no greater Joy than that of a child
Oh what a feeling… ALL paperwork is complete and enroute to Florida!! Jacob and I drove out to Hope this morning to drop off the paperwork… Joan had a checklist of all that needed to be completed; as she worked her way down the list, my hands got sweaty in fear that for some reason we forgot one of the applications, but as she checked off the last box, 1000lbs fell from my shoulders. She said she would be couriering it today and congratulated us both. With my son in hand we walked back to the car and I felt a tear run down my face…”Jacob we now have to just pray pray that Jesus will bring us a baby brother or sister soon”… Jacob replied “or a puddle I can jump in”.
There is no greater Joy than that of a child
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
January 2nd 2010
So our home study is FINALLY complete… The social worker came over this afternoon and all went relatively well. The house was clean, baseboards painted, Jacob was bathed, and the dog was brushed and sprayed with deodoriser. I had made arrangements for Auntie Tawny to come and pick up Jacob 30 min into the meeting allowing us to complete the remainder of the meeting in a timely manner.
So the meeting went something like this… Knock at the door, Maggie begins her routine barking marathon, Jacob answers the door and then yells back at Maggie to “BE QUIET”. I quickly follow behind and welcome the social worker into the home. Maggie begins to settle once she has smelled every square inch of the poor lady (thank goodness she was an animal person). Marc then introduces Jacob to Ms X and suggested Jacob take her on a tour of the house. Jacob confidently leads her into each room and shows her how he can jump on his bed, points out where Maggie goes pee and poo and how he can climb into the baby’s crib. We then proceed back down stairs where the social worker begins to ask Jacob questions. “Jacob what is your favourite sport to play”….. Jacob – “poopie poopie bum bum”. I nervously giggle, turn a bright shade of red and ask him to answer the question with his bog boy words… “POOPIE POOPIE BUM BUM”. I apologise and comment that he is the youngest of many older cousins. Social worker - “Jacob what did Santa bring you”. Jacob – Poopie Poopie Bum Bum. Yes that is right my son answered all questions with the same answer!!!! Thank goodness she seemed unaffected and commented how confident he was. If anyone knows my son confidence is not one word you would describe him. He is normally extremely shy around adults. Even though I appreciate his new found confidence and I am not so proud of what we now call his potty words!
Anyway, not much later we were SAVED by the BELL… the door bell rang and auntie tawny had arrived to whisk away our comedian of a boy! After Jacob left all went smoothly and we were able to tie everything up very quickly! So with the conclusion of that meeting our home study is complete!!!!!! Our social worker will be returning next week to review her writer report and sign all documentation.
Baby I pray for you everyday. I am not sure if you are already warm and cuddly in mummy’s belly or if God is still waiting for the perfect tummy mummy, BUT I do know that you are already in God’s Blue Prints and his blue prints are PERFECT!! I love you so much already and can’t wait to hold you in my arms.
So our home study is FINALLY complete… The social worker came over this afternoon and all went relatively well. The house was clean, baseboards painted, Jacob was bathed, and the dog was brushed and sprayed with deodoriser. I had made arrangements for Auntie Tawny to come and pick up Jacob 30 min into the meeting allowing us to complete the remainder of the meeting in a timely manner.
So the meeting went something like this… Knock at the door, Maggie begins her routine barking marathon, Jacob answers the door and then yells back at Maggie to “BE QUIET”. I quickly follow behind and welcome the social worker into the home. Maggie begins to settle once she has smelled every square inch of the poor lady (thank goodness she was an animal person). Marc then introduces Jacob to Ms X and suggested Jacob take her on a tour of the house. Jacob confidently leads her into each room and shows her how he can jump on his bed, points out where Maggie goes pee and poo and how he can climb into the baby’s crib. We then proceed back down stairs where the social worker begins to ask Jacob questions. “Jacob what is your favourite sport to play”….. Jacob – “poopie poopie bum bum”. I nervously giggle, turn a bright shade of red and ask him to answer the question with his bog boy words… “POOPIE POOPIE BUM BUM”. I apologise and comment that he is the youngest of many older cousins. Social worker - “Jacob what did Santa bring you”. Jacob – Poopie Poopie Bum Bum. Yes that is right my son answered all questions with the same answer!!!! Thank goodness she seemed unaffected and commented how confident he was. If anyone knows my son confidence is not one word you would describe him. He is normally extremely shy around adults. Even though I appreciate his new found confidence and I am not so proud of what we now call his potty words!
Anyway, not much later we were SAVED by the BELL… the door bell rang and auntie tawny had arrived to whisk away our comedian of a boy! After Jacob left all went smoothly and we were able to tie everything up very quickly! So with the conclusion of that meeting our home study is complete!!!!!! Our social worker will be returning next week to review her writer report and sign all documentation.
Baby I pray for you everyday. I am not sure if you are already warm and cuddly in mummy’s belly or if God is still waiting for the perfect tummy mummy, BUT I do know that you are already in God’s Blue Prints and his blue prints are PERFECT!! I love you so much already and can’t wait to hold you in my arms.
December 25th, 2009
Merry Christmas Baby, even though we wish you were here celebrating with us this year, we have great hope that next Christmas Day we will be a family of four! There were Christmas presents for you under the tree and I hope it is okay, but your brother helped you open them. You got a few special toys, a beautiful soft blanket and a new stuffie. We love you so much and know that the Christmas season will be even more special when you arrive!
Merry Christmas Baby, even though we wish you were here celebrating with us this year, we have great hope that next Christmas Day we will be a family of four! There were Christmas presents for you under the tree and I hope it is okay, but your brother helped you open them. You got a few special toys, a beautiful soft blanket and a new stuffie. We love you so much and know that the Christmas season will be even more special when you arrive!
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