February 19th, 2010
So can this week be over already! We got another phone call from our social worker Laura today. I recognised the number on call display and my heart again skipped a beat quickly questioning what she could be calling about. Upon answering she said it was completely coincidental that she was calling two days in a row and then proceeded to tell me about some changes that have taken place over the past few weeks with Canadian/American adoptions. The State of Florida has placed restrictions on adoptive parents having any contact with the adopted child until an emergency hearing has taken place, which is normally 7-10 days after a birth mom has signed consent. Prior to these changes adoptive parents were able to visit the child in the hospital and then retain temporary custody upon discharge until the emergency hearing. Therefore as a result our baby will have to be placed into interim care until the judge has signed off on our case.
Marc and I are so ticked and confused, we don’t understand who this will benefit other than the legal system. The birth mom will be unable to see her child with us the adoptive parents unless she is willing to meet up again post hearing, which I imagine could exacerbate the grieving process. The adoptive parents miss out on the bonding that could have taken place immediately, as well from spending invaluable time with the birth family and mostly will remove us from being any part of the birth story (which hurts the most). As for the most important person in the process our baby who will one day grow into a adolescent and will want to know everything and anything about the day she/he was born and yet we will be unable to provide her/him with any first hand information, as well this baby who will be less than one week old will have three transitions in a very short period of time…Birth family, Interim care and us her/his forever family. I feel like we being robbed of a one in a life time opportunity and precious bonding time.
I know the way it was, was super ideal and very few adoptions had this opportunity, but I guess I didn’t realise how good we could have had it until it was taken away. All in all, this doesn’t change that one day soon we will be a loving family of four, and have a new baby to dote on.
Baby, we make a promise to you that we will do whatever we can to spend as much time with your tummy mummy as possible and praise her for the amazing job she has done for keeping you safe and warm. We will thank her on your behalf for loving you so much and choosing life. When down in Florida we will be detectives and gather as much info as possible…we will be your eyes and ears. We love you little one and can not wait to hold you in our arms. As we wait for you and you wait for us, know that a day does not go by that I don’t pray for you and wish you were snuggling with me. How about we make a deal… I will be patient if you will??
Love you always Mummy.
Natalie, I am so sorry that these restrictions have been placed. Just another thing to stress about huh? Now, can the birth mother waive those restrictions if she WANTS the adoptive parents to have immediate contact with the newborn? Or is there no way around these new guidelines? Continuing to think of you guys!
ReplyDelete~Meghan
Dear Natalie, Marc and Jacob,
ReplyDeleteSpeaking from experience please always remember that the birth mom is not doing you a favour you are doing her the greatest of favours!! Remember Marc, I am adopted and have met my birth mom and let me tell you not for one second have I ever considered my birth mother to be my Mom!! She may hold the memories of the day I was born, but my mom has the memories of every day after that.I went home at 12 days old and I am no worse off for wear!!Natalie you will be this new babies mom hook line and sinker for the simple reason that you love him or her. Just remember that this sweet baby was not "expected but selected." Just the fact that you are willing to open your hearts and home to the unknown is so special and this baby and his or her birth mom should be so grateful that you guys are on the receiving end of this unexpected pregnancy.The only thing that my birth mom ever gave me was the thought that she did not choose to end the pregnancy and have me. When I was pregnant with Elizabeth this was the thought that always was in my head in my decision to keep Elizabeth. If my birth mom could do it so could I!! Any ways, I just want you both to know that I think what you are doing is awesome and even though there might be hurdles to get over, it is well worth it. Just ask my Mom!!
Thanks for your support Ladies... I have put an email into our social worker asking if we can visit with baby before birth mom signs consent.I know once consent is signed it is a no no, but I am hoping that it may be a possibility before. Birth mom has to sign consent before 48 hours after birth, so we would want to make sure we could make it down there in time.
ReplyDeleteGood night, sweet baby, sleep tight - whether you are in the arms of God just waiting to make your entrance into our lives, or whether you are actually in your "tummy mummy". I pray that you will have a safe journey on your way to us and I pray that the one who will give you life will take extremely good care of you and herself until your journey to us is completed. I pray that God will plant within your heart a deep love for Him and for your new mommy and daddy and brother who anxiously await your arrival. I love your big brother sooooo much and I know that I will love you with the same passion I love Jacob. Love you precious baby, Nana Sharon
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